Obstacles

Dear you.

I am writing this to reply to you on what you sent to my WhatsApp 3 am last night.

First of all, I too, would like to say thanks to you because the past year has been great and meaningful to me. You filled my heart once again although temporarily. Now I am going to explain everything starting from my behaviour, my emotional changes, my wants and needs.

Truthfully, I changed a lot because of you. Maybe that is one of the reason why I am always thinking two to five steps ahead, because I’ve dated a lot of older women than my age. Including you. I have to thank you again for that. I learnt a lot of new things with you.

So, as you know and well informed, I am a college dropout. So the pressure on me is larger than what people think and see. That’s why I always stressed out about making money. About getting money. About getting rich. About making my cash stacks fat. You in other side, forcing me to marry you as soon as possible. Yes, I had the idea, I had the plan, but most of the times, we can’t force a plan to go into motion according to the pace that we wanted. I know we solved this quite some times before, but you have to understand, my love for you slowly dissipates over time, and was being replaced by struggle.

Because you are turning your needs into my needs. I don’t need marriage yet, I need stability. I am sacrificing my youth for the sake of retiring rich.

I don’t need jealousy, and I don’t need moral supports. I need real supports. And by that, I do mean to expand my network by and within your school. By doing that, we can set our plan into motion faster than before. But you were not serious. I wanted to win this game, I need supports, I can carry all the plan but who am I if nobody wanted to support me?

So, my plan to expand the network using you as one of the influenced students there, failed. So I guess I have to go for the other way. That’s why I abandoned my time for you. I expanded my network somewhere else. I develop relationship with new person, new friends, new team, duplicating whatever knowledge I gained. And I did fare a small network which I can gladly invite you if you wanted to be a part of my Y-Generation Team.

And now, I am with a special somebody, building my own company from the scratch, I have a lot of plans to lay out, to execute, and I have definitely zero times for lovey-dovey if there’s no money related in the relationship. To be honest, my feeling for you was true. What I said was real. But after a small discussion in my own mind palace, from me to myself, a part of me felt like this is not love, what I am feeling. I am feeling pity towards you, not love. And what it is to be in a relationship with somebody once all you are feeling towards them is out of pity, zero love whatsoever?

So, I convinced myself, I was not in love. I was in a pity for others. I was being pitiful at you. And that was what I unnecessarily needed, because I am in a middle of a lot of business. I was expecting we are going to talk money, how to gain money, how to start trading, what kind of business we could do, and when to execute. But you were always with your clumsy friends, and how they mistreated you and you cannot even stand up for yourself. Maybe for the first few times, I will be able to tolerate. But I am a business man. And that is what I do. I kept myself away, trying to not breaking up with you so that maybe one day, one fine day, the feeling of pity will fade away and the love will come back. I kept myself away. I talked with my special someone, I talked with friends, I enjoyed every moments with them although sometimes I was hurt. But if you ever needed anything, I am ready to help. Just say it. After all my efforts, I managed to raise quite small cash stacks, I have probably around RM25k in my savings, but that won’t be enough. Not even to buy a car, to buy a house, whatsoever. But if you ever need money to eat, or something, let me know.

I’ll gladly help.

So, we can still be friend, you can still look out for me if you need advises or cash or even helps, but I guess our relationship is officially over. And I am looking forward to pursuit this one fine woman, I’ll let you know in due time. She’s beautiful, she’s intelligent, she is adorable, she is a very enticing and alluring women (well maybe only in my eyes) and she’s older than me and perhaps more mature and able to match my complicated, confusing and complexed level of thinking.

So, we split our way here. There’s a lot of mistakes I did, I am sorry for that. And please make it halal for what ever I ate, I drank, I took from you. Hustle for your future, and the best shall come. Thank you again. See ya somewhere.

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