It’s been a while since my last post here, and I felt really empty, yeah I must be until I finally opened this whole up pile of shit I was forced to do.
To be honest, I was just trying to express something that buckles up in this little heart of mine, something I guess I was never able to do, something that keeps me asphyxiated especially when I think of it.
My to do list perhaps was written by some devil, cause the truth is losing a best friend, or maybe someone whom you thought were your so called ‘best friends’. Yeah, the world will never be what I expected, that is the truth I have to embrace, but it’s hurt.
Yah, most people running around saying “It doesn’t hurt that much compared to those in Gaza at the moment suffering family/friends losses” yeah bruv but you don’t have to go that far to compare! I mean, look as I see, feel as I feel!
Or yeah, then what’s the point of coming here, heh? What’s hurt more, when people whom you really loved with all your life (not including your parents, of course, the marriageable one I am talking about) just talk to you, or at least get in touch with you if he/her has problem/troubles? I guess that’s not really working for me, that’s could be categorized as a toying with other’s feeling. Unless you really mistook me as your diary.
Only if you have something to tell, or at least to spit something beyond honesty just because I am there, and I always will. I think this is the second time I stuck in this dark abyss, this black hole of life, this love void, this eternal punishment, to be treated nicely and then to be thrown away the seconds you are starting to make moves.
And the saddest part is, it’s all happening while I am losing everything, losing faith in my friends, losing friends, losing best friends, and foolishly telling myself “I am so gonna be alright, keep up that fake smile.” The truth is, as everybody knows, the most laughable friends are actually the one who held the most pain.
And now, I am sitting, silently, helplessly, pondering over my life, wondering who is going to stand by my side.